Already got asked if we're dating
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
