Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
