please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
