I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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