So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
