Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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