Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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