Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
