Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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