Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
