suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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