Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
