Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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