God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
