I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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