She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
