i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize