sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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