I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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