She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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