the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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