Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
