well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
