Im at strip club and am horny
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
