I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
