I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
