I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
