Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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