I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
