Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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