totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
