not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize