I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
