angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
