It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
