Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
