I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
