i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
