You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize