Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
