Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
