I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
