That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
