Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
