shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
