how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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