so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
