I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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