how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
