when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
