I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
