I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
