i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize