I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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