i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
