But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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