i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
