i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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