Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
