allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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