Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
