i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
