omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
