and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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