the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
