Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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