Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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