I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
