party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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