I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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