The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
