Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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