What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
