my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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