Me. At least after what I've been through.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
