Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
