remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
