So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
