And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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