HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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