You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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