Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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