Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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