i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize