Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
