Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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