Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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