Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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