I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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