no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
