What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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