YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
