She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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