so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
