Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
