Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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