I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
