So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
