Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
