She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
