a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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