I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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