oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
ttyl tear gas
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
