All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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