Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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