Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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