do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize