I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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