she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
