Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
