I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My ATM looks so different sober.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
